The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
