I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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