Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
only if we run a train.
done.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
