i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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