i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize