You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
