With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
