Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
