New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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