Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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