Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
People with herpes should wear stickers.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
