I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
