Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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