I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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