cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
