now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
