My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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