btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
