Soap is not a condiment
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
