my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
