I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
