I hate all girls vehemently.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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