Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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