I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
