I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
