NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
