She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
