Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I have fence marks all over my body
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
