there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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