You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
