i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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