I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
