3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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