i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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