mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
