Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
