I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
