it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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