dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
