you guys were way drunker than both of me
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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