You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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