i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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