it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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