know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
