it's too hot outside to masturbate.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
