i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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