Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
