who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
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Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize