Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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