you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
