This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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