Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You have to summon your inner elephant
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
