I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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