And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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