I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
