You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
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