I just pynch a tree in the face
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
