Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just forgot I was standing up.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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