woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
