I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I touched a dick in church today
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
