Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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