Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Who died my cat blue again?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
