Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize