Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
