He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
