Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize