I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
