i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
