Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
