Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Randomize
