she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
