In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
