The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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