She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize