Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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