I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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