my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
