I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
