My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
