just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
