it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
