That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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