i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
