u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
