he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
