So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
