My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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