I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I want to be your penis for a week.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
