Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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