whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
