oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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