The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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