i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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