i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
